10 Clear Advan­tages Of Send­ing Your Kid To Gov­ern­ment Schools

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Pub­lic schools are get­ting a lot of bad press these days — some­times it seems like every­one is dog-pil­ing on them for harm­less lit­tle things like fail­ing to teach basic skills, bla­tant indoc­tri­na­tion, or tran­si­tion­ing chil­dren to oth­er gen­ders with­out parental con­sent.
But did you know that there are actu­al­ly many dis­tinct advan­tages to send­ing your kid to gov­ern­ment schools? We at the Baby­lon Bee have com­piled this list of the most impor­tant things your kids can’t learn any­where but pub­lic school — take a look!

Your kids can learn the prop­er tech­nique for stuff­ing dol­lar bills in a trans­gen­der strip­per thong: Just remem­ber, George Wash­ing­ton’s face always faces away from you.

Your kids will learn the prop­er amount of hatred to have towards dif­fer­ent peo­ple depend­ing on their skin col­or and lev­el of oppres­sion: That’s a real win for anti-racism.

Free water­mel­on-fla­vored con­doms: …