Study Con­firms Most Of Grown Man’s Life Spent Look­ing For Tape Mea­sure

PLANO, TX — Accord­ing to a new study, most of local man Dar­ren Soren­son’s adult life is spent search­ing for a tape mea­sure.
“I’ll set it down some­where and then when I come back for it it’s just gone,” Soren­son said. “I know that’s where I left it…but maybe one of the kids picked it up. Oh wait, there it is in my pock­et.”
Soren­son report­ed spend­ing large chunks of his day in search of his tape mea­sure, which is …