AKRON, OH — Several members of the city council were reportedly “extremely bummed” to have narrowly lost its bid to host the 2036 Olympic Games in the 142nd International Olympic Committee meeting in July. According to Mayor Shammas Malik, the city had been hoping to host an Olympics for several decades now, and the news […]
As even more incriminating pictures of senator and vice presidential candidate J.D. Vance’s scandalous high school years surfaced in recent weeks, the nation was left wondering: who is this total freak from Ohio, and what other scurrilous mischief did he get up to in his youth? The Babylon Bee conducted an extensive investigation to uncover […]
BOSTON, MA — A team of MIT’s top physicists recently studied a paper plate and determined they are close to knowing if it is one plate or two stuck together. The research team had been working diligently to answer the age-old question that had plagued humanity since the introduction of paper plates and announced it […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attendees at this week’s Harris-Walz campaign rally in the nation’s capital were treated to a rare occurrence as President Joe Biden was briefly released from captivity to campaign for Kamala. In a rare public appearance, the leader of the free world took the stage to show his support for his Vice President […]
EAGAN, MN — Sources close to native Minnesotan Paul Johnson are reporting that the 35-year-old told a buddy of his that “we should get together sometime” before preparing to completely forget about his existence for the next two decades. Johnson’s friend, Daniel Hendricks, said that the two high-school mates had already been playing “phone and […]
Men are such a mystery, especially when it comes to romance. So how can you really be sure he’s “in the mood?” We assembled a panel of man experts to explain the subtle signs that indicate his desire to be with you. Here are 10 signs to look for that might be an indication your […]
PAOLA, KS — A local wife and mother reported a fascinating incident today, as she entered her family’s living room to find her husband and toddler son equally mesmerized by the sight of an excavator working across the street. Dana Henson had just finished putting food away in the fridge after lunch when she walked […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Beloved presidential candidate Kamala Harris recently unveiled a touching new plan to hang a sign reading “Joy” over every bread line in America if she is elected president. According to her speech, the sign would help encourage Americans who will be forced to wait in miles-long bread lines for a small government […]
U.S. — In an exciting announcement expected to generate significant buzz among people who enjoy beverages vaguely flavored by obscure and unpopular flavors, sparkling water brand La Croix has introduced a new Creamed Corn flavor. The new flavor was chosen following extensive research to find any flavors La Croix had not already used, which ended […]
THE DEAD MARSHES — Beloved Hollywood celebrity Sean Astin, famous for starring in The Goonies and Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, has reportedly journeyed to the Dead Marshes to register new Democrat voters. “Here I am in the Dead Marshes, because I fancy myself some sort of thought leader,” Sean Astin said […]